He has been with many girls after me and I have been fine with all of them, not to say we never ran into problems at all, but we all were able to work through them together. I always say, go for it. My daughter came home and told me if I believed in Jesus I was going to hell. Don’t pay them any mind. I told the woman and him to stop but they refused. It puts them in a very uncomfortable, confusing position. However, if the concerns or problems are at a level more serious than what you've described here, then you certainly have the option … As if I am preventing their mom from lifting her ass off the couch and going for a jog/buying nicer clothes/looking after herself. More empathetic! I’m a stepmom. You cannot cherrypick here, parenting is not a list of do’s and don’t’s where you can allow some things yet disallow others. And telling your child that you are bad ... well you need to do something now. I’m sorry you experienced difficult pregnancies, but it’s fact that women have borne children since the beginning of time. Lol), and they each have their own spaces in the kitchen for their own things/food etc. That sounds like she’s JUST the one who carried him for 40 weeks, nurtured him as an infant. I have seen a counsellor and done a lot of my own work and I’m all good for a while then I hear stories of more controlling and manipulating ugliness, and I feel like I’m losing it again. Frankly, my kids stepmother is a caniving and horrendous selfcentered person. Then please, set boundaries not only on how nice she can be for the kids, but also how much you expect her to do for them. I am a stepmom. Their mum was the one who left for another man, sadly they were young when they separated so bio mum managed to convince them he left her, then he became the bad guy for a long time which was a very difficult time for all of us. Period. The woman was my friend; went on trips together and everything. But she can not help, she is full of fear that she is in comparison, that her son might like me a lot, that we might provide a happy home for him during that 50% time he is with his dad. Logistically, it might be easier if I took a larger role parenting Gabe’s children. I attend everything at school for him, she has literally attended 4 functions in 3 years, they have joint custody and timesharing so he is with me more than either of his biological parents, no I did not give birth to this child but he IS my child non the less , just as he is hers. . Let me be clear. I’m going through the same thing! In my case, Biomom has a history of bad decision-making, but her teenage kids only know the nice side of her (of course). From Greek mythology to Grimm’s Fairy Tales, almost all cultures have a “wicked stepmother” story. Not all stepparents are out to rob the bio mom or dad of their children,,,,ever thought that maybe just maybe we have a really tough time of being stepparents….. He would not get help. One of the most difficult areas of co-parenting (including step-parents) is maintaining parenting rules. A step-mother may have the best intentions, but she may be dealing with his children who don’t accept her, and her own children who don’t want to share her. Thank you!! Facebook Twitter … Keep in mind, though, that we also need to be flexible. Like I don’t matter or have a say at all with my child. Fast fw to now, my daughter is about to be 16 and she has now lived with her Dad for all most 3 years. The best thing we can do for our children after divorce and especially when a stepmother comes into the picture, is to get better ourselves. Absolutely…does that mean that I am replacing his mother…hell no, I tell the child all the time that he should love his mommy, and that I am glad he loves her( he gets mad at her and says he doesn’t love her, that is not tolerated in our home so he is made to apologize to his mom for that) oh and in case I haven’t mentioned it, the child’s mother…she hates the very idea of me, she hates that her child loves me just as I do him, but I still will not accept disrespect from him to his mother, if she hates me or not, that is his MOTHER). Goodness. It’s good that you step back or start seeing boundaries. 100%. The children may feel hesitant to stand up for us because they are trying to keep the peace in an awkward, confusing position. I had a talk with my daughter about that, she told me the stepmother bashed my name and revealed every thing about my life. The role of step mother is to support her husband in his Co parenting. Way to build up other women and promote a healthy relationship between step mothers and bio mothers. Your children’s stepmother will never replace you! She is wonderful and I believe she was the perfect stepmom. I actually gain peace and freedom from the drama. I just hope my daughter can remember who I really am in the midst of them bashing me, I agree, not saying that the step-mom shouldn’t be apart of the child’s life but overstepping is a huge concern. Lol.. and, hey! I think in his eyes he sees me as his “bonus,” which is what we call each other, but that I could never be mom. Her mother “wants” to be a better mom and had grandiose plans for education and family time but the kids never interact with her and she doesn’t let them go outside. Which I think is beautiful. This comment by Elaine is way off base. No one can destroy our biological bond with them. They came into the picture later on. Not cool! Unless the stepmother is blocking you from accessing medical and school records, then the court is unlikely to order the father to make her stop her involvement with these things. Sometimes I go over when it’s her days too! But don’t worry , me and dad, we love you!”. But they desperately need the security of definite, clear boundaries for behavior when so much of their lives is swirling around, out of their control. (IT has been over forever, we just pretend for the kids, she is bipolar/schizophrenic, I tried to leave for years but she threatens me, if you leave i will kill myself because you are all I have to live for….etc…They also frequently pretend they are not married at the beginning) I do know that I have never seen a woman “steal” a man, and any man who wants to walk out the door on me can go. I do my best to keep the flow in my home easy going, and relaxed. I immediately called every resource I could find for answers. You brought up that father doesnt need to text bio mum back ASAP? Marrying a child’s father doesn’t earn you respect. If your friend is overstepping her boundaries in any other way, let her know. Then why allow them to abuse the wife of your children’s father? He allows his wife to change medical records around, blocking me from access to them. The best thing you can do is firmly establish boundaries. I have tried to include her in conversations but most of the time she either won’t make eye contact or just has an unpleasant look on her face. Wow. What gives? Keeping things as civil as possible is imperative for their well-being. I have two biological daughters, I have this to say to you, get over yourself. They were divorced years before I even came into the picture. So I’m basically forced to just ignore the step kids because i’m not allowed to have a relationship with them . My husband became ‘disney dad’ and has never made his children from his first marriage accountable or responsible for anything and that includes respecting me as an adult and not so much as a stepparent. We put up a number of pictures of him and his mum and mum’s family in his bedroom. I think you should go to this stepmother woman to woman and straighten this thing out because she has no right to get ur child to call her mom. To get started, try our FREE 5-Day Divorce Recovery Crash Course. The biological mother/child bond is sacred, and biological moms are very protective of that relationship. This dynamic was here long before I was, and yes, I would love to have a relationship with my husband’s daughters. Therefore, yes, I should know what activities my daughter is in and have an active role in discussing her participation. Scotty, beam me up. Maybe just maybe we are doing our best with a hard situation. Boundaries are usually a huge issue for daughters of unloving mothers, even in adulthood. She doesn’t treat my daughter poorly, I just think she crosses the line when she says anything rude about me. An article listing the common complaints real moms make about stepmoms, without asking the number one question anyone should answer honestly: What am I doing to make this situation worse? badmouth us, it feels traitorous not to defend us. I had to have a serious chat with my kids as they were getting confused . I always said that when her father remarries, I would try my best to give this stranger then benefit of the doubt when it comes to my child but in this case, it’s someone I knew too well and the feeling of betrayal makes it very hard fro me to allow her to do anything for my daughter…. There is only one mom and one dad, that is a special bond that God created, and that bond is given a specific title to only one person, “ Mom” . Maybe show them this thread; it should be quite illuminating. Just wow. They disagree on things from time to time but who doesn’t? The kids are watching. I feel like I’m being forced to watch the kids crash and burn. My daughters Stepmom seems to believe that my child is actually really her child now.